Peaceful Valley Scout Ranch: How I Found Myself

"Hi, my name is Wendy and I'm a Boy Scout."
"Welcome, Wendy..."

I guess it's not *quite* like that, although some days it feels like it. Most people laugh when I tell them that I'm a member of the Boy Scouts of America so I guess I'd better explain how it all got started. My involvement with the BSA began when I was 16 years old; I joined a local Venturing Crew, which is the co-ed version of Scouting.

In the summer of 2004 my crew decided to participate in an event called the "X-Games." This event was to be held at Peaceful Vally Scout Ranch, consisting of a competitive 9 mile night hike peppered with challenge events. If anyone had told me what kind of physical taxation I would have endured, I would not have signed up. Fortunately, my crew leader and my teammates managed to keep me in the dark until there was no return.

I checked in, clueless as to what the next several hours would offer me. The hike was slated to begin at 9:30pm. Hiking 9 miles in the rainy dark with my best friend, I faced challenges such as rappelling over a 20 foot cliff, for the first time in my life. As the night moved on, we were nearly assassinated after mistaking the musket range safety lines for directional tags. This earned us a swift reproof, before we were allowed in to take our turn at loading the black powder devils in order to aim their fury at eerily glowing targets.

A myriad of other events came and went throughout the night and the next morning. Only a few stand out. I came in second in the 2 mile team bike event at 9am... not fourth, as I had expected. I was surprisingly able to hike fast enough to stay with the team as we crossed unstable terrain. We successfully lashed a raft together, managing to tow it across the lake, emerging in a weary sort of triumph with the fastest team time. My legs were covered with scars, my ankles swollen and my hair dirty and matted; dripping and exhausted, I was no longer able to track conversation. I still carry the scars.

I had always seen myself as physically inferior. For years my ankles had turned over in odd directions at the slightest whim. My coke-bottle glasses and bad eyesight labeled me unmistakeably as a nerd. The wheezing and inability to cope with soccer sprints had earned me a white inhaler, to accompany me at athletic events and on rainy days. I found myself apologizing to coaches, and friends, and myself for the countless injuries and illnesses that seemed to plague me.

But Peaceful Valley changed that. It didn't matter that I had limped during the entire night, or that I had used my inhaler four more times more than I should have. It didn't matter that I fell easily, or that I couldn't run quickly. For the first time in my memory, I was an asset rather than a liability. My team took second place, on a technicality. It was a victory. I left the camp changed, with a sense of confidence that I had never had before. Peaceful Valley gave me that strength.

I returned to PV three summers later. This time I returned not as a novice scout, blithely sauntering into the unknown; I came this time to be a staff member. I came broken and nearly destroyed from a series of emotional batterings. It had been the worst spring semester of my life. I had lost my obstetrics teacher from EMT school to a devastating ambulance accident, nearly lost a friend to suicide, and struggled with an unsupportive relationship. I wanted to quit school so I wouldn't have to deal with any of it anymore.

PV gave me back my strength. It didn't require anything of me except my best effort. It didn't matter that my co-workers had to treat me for asthma attacks. It still welcomed me as it challenged me on levels that allowed me to grow. PV let me explore my definition of self, giving me the chance to determine what I wanted to change in my life. It allowed me to let go of things I needed to release, and set me free from my darkness. It gave me a future.

Peaceful Valley also gave me something would never have expected. It gave me the man I am deeply in love with. By accident, we met each other on the first day; by the last day, we knew that we wanted to be together for as long as possible. We both share something special, and we both know that there is nowhere else on earth like PV.

I never expected to find a place that I would carry in my heart. I never thought I would twice end up finding myself by getting lost in the darkness of the wilderness. The stars that I've seen and the friends that I've made would never have seemed so clear without the island of hope that we have all shared together.

I think Peaceful Valley found me. There's no way I could have found it.